After my last evening in Heidelberg hanging out with Caro and a few hours of light sleep, I caught the train to the Frankfurt airport at 5:45am, marking the end of my originally intended 3 ½ month stay in Europe. After a very sad goodbye, I packed myself and my 4 bags into a couple of seats on the train and fought back the tears but lost. For the next hour, I didn’t read, I didn’t sleep, nor did I pull out my computer and write. I sat there with tears gently rolling down my face and reflected on my Germany experience. I remember flying into Frankfurt not so long ago after a spontaneous decision to sell all that I own and travel to Europe. I didn’t have a clue of how much of a culture shock it would be, how much I would personally grow, and hard it would be for me to leave in the end. I remember seeing Carolin’s mom for the first time coming to pick me up at the airport and meeting her family before she arrived. They were all so welcoming. But everything was so new, I was soooo overwhelmed with the language and had no idea what to expect. I couldn’t read the signs and couldn’t understand anything except a few words such as, “Hallo”, “Danke”, “Bitte” and “Tchuess”. The jumbled words of the German language and so many people around me speaking it made me dizzy and caused my brain to go a little crazy. It was actually pretty tiring. I wondered what the heck I was doing in this strange world. But my, how things have changed. The German speaking I hear all around me on a daily basis no longer even really phases me. It’s when I hear English that I get a little thrown off. I can read many of the signs, understand at least 50% of a conversation and I can even ask questions and converse a little bit myself. It was so hard to believe that it has already been 3 ½ months and in that time I have learned so much, not only educationally such as German history, language, foods and traditions but also a lot about myself. I became a little bit of a changed person in just three short months, for the better, of course. Hey, I even became strangely and surprisingly attached to a cat. Yep, you heard that right, still kinda weirds me out. Overall, the difference between my first steps in Frankfurt to my steps upon my departure today is pretty amazing and almost too difficult to explain. I actually think it will be a bit of a culture shock back in the States. I can already tell I will be speaking a few German phrases without even meaning too. I found myself answering and asking questions in German on the flights and even almost doing it in the airport or at least preparing in my head how to say it just like I would in Heidelberg. I’ll actually miss hearing the language all around me because of it’s effects on my learning experience. Good thing I got an awesome Christmas present of a language training computer program so I can keep it up on my own while I am back in the States. I have some work to do :) I must admit though that it will be nice to fully understand conversations around me and fully participate again at least for a little while. Although I am very excited to see my family and friends again, the sadness of leaving Germany and more importantly my dear friend Caro is in this moment overpowering the excitement a little bit. I can’t even begin to explain the influence she has made in my life this past 6 months I have known her. It still amazes me that it has only been 6 months. Like many of my amazing friends, God definitely brings people into our lives at just the right moment to help in our formation, to encourage, to comfort, to give advice, and to affect our identity and our character and for that I am eternally grateful. So today I left Heidelberg, a cool apartment, a crazy cat, a best friend, and a part of my life on the other side of the world. Due to the language barrier, visa requirements and job qualification issues, I unfortunately was unable to secure a job before leaving, so I am faced with a decision of staying back in the states or returning for another try. I’m pretty sure the decision is already made but like everything else in my life, it is never ultimately up to me. For now, I will very much miss the beautiful city of Heidelberg, Brazen, my “host” family and most of all my therapist, workout partner, personal fashion advisor, and dear friend, Caro. I’m looking forward to some much needed loving time with my incredible family back in Montana, some Deutsch learning, Heidelberg job hunting from afar and being present in each moment cause before I know it I will be on the road again. In the middle of my 8 hour trip over the ocean something clicked and I suddenly truly realized one thing: I am only going back “home” for an extended Christmas visit; Heidelberg is my new home and it is only goodbye for now. I’ll be back even if it isn’t for a couple months.
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